when someone's hello blends in with someone's sigh

Okay, I've had it with Blogger and am moving to a new homesweethome.

Follow me, if you please! :)

Wanna Be Your Love, Wanna Be Your Love For Real

Rachael Yamagata is truly unhealthy for heartbroken people. Her songs were so hauntingly true of heartbreak, and I actually teared quite a few times while singing along to her and her smoky vocals. Ooh but I must say, her drummer is really quite dapper :)

The beauty of love songs, to me, is how they capture in words (and melody) the exact way you feel in a particular moment of your life. I know it sounds cliche, but to me it's very, very true.

Altogether, a great concert. Not to mention the great big surprise that came at the end of the concert that made me tear again ... *wink* It's nice to have you home. Really nice.

Ok, time for bed. Enough living, feeling, being, for one day.
What can I say.


"Everything is falling and I am included in that
Oh how I try, to be just okay"
- Rachael Yamagata, Be Be Your Love

Cupid's Chokehold

I thought supper wouldn't be stressful. I was wrong.

Okay, but nonetheless, I choked myself full of junk food - bak chor mee for dinner, belgian chocolate latte, orh lua and beef hor fun for supper. And I'm glad I got to see Dave again after so long. :)

Now I'm craving Rochor's bean curd and you tiao. And tonight's Rachael Yamagata. And right now I'm sitting in the SOA Conference Hall, watching Ren, Kai, Mark Cheng and Wenduan present! Woohoo! GO GUYS! :)

Blitzkrieg on Home Turf.

I am inspired by Selma Blair. She's got great sartorial sense, looks like a beautifully sensual pixie, and dares to have a short crop (snipped it all off into an asymmetrical punk cut for the March issue of Vogue).

Tonight's coffee + supper will be a welcomed respite from the thoughts that have crowded my head the past two days. I was feeling so restless today, and actually ventured out - for the first time in very long - to have laksa at East Coast road, with my mum. Hehe. It was good. I wolfed the bowl down. YUM. :)

The sadness lingers, though. Goodness. But life goes on, doesn't it.

The goodness in this world that is mozzarella cheese

Tonight Ritz's dance concert at NUS brought several unexpected meetings. We met Sharon (Lin Shiwei!) our old Secondary school clique-mate. And we saw Ma Yanling and Candy of Ye Olde Dunman High Days performing. NUS Dance Ensemble is pretty solid, by the way. The host was cute, but his hair was just... distracting, to say the least. Haha. Joycey will know what I mean.

After a fulfilling dinner and post-dinner at Spizza and Coffee Club, we sent Rita back and went on our way. In a moment of spontaneity, partly thanks to the dance-y club music playing on Joycey's car stereo, we veered off the ECP/AYE on our usual way home, and went to Vivocity. We intended to either a) catch 300 the movie, or b) go to St. James and listen to dance-y music.

Feeling full of bravado, we traipsed into Vivocity, only to find GV closed :(. Then I realized I needed cash, and we spent the next 15 minutes navigating the realms of Vivocity to locate the single POSB atm. We didn't find it in the end, by the way (shame on you, Vivo! What happened to the funds access step of the Consumer Behavior Sequence Model, huh huh huh)... and then we trudged down to St. James.

Walking to the Powerhouse, we entered to find it ... empty. Like, save for a table of rowdy office workers, it was like a sad 80's joint in Selegie or something. It was just sad. After sharing 1-for-1 Coke (Joycey - driving; me - teetotaller), we left the place.

But nonetheless, kudos to you and me, Joycey, for taking the detour to more possibilities. Even though the night wasn't as happening as we'd like it to be, we still tried to break our routine Thursday nights. And that was what mattered, eh? :) Plus, we both dressed up tonight. Heehee.

'Cept now it's back to an empty room, a quiet house, and a head full of memories. La dee da.

And as I sit here, sobered from our conversation earlier, about the future, I am trying to chart the path that lies ahead of me. The thing is, I don't even know if it can be charted. How do you get over someone? I just know what, in a hypothetical situation, would be the right thing for 'me' to do.

And that would be to stop. Stop fearing. Stop fearing the path that runs indefinitely without you. Stop fearing I will regret my decisions. Stop fearing I won't be strong enough to make it through. Stop fearing I will be damaged at the end of it, irrevocably missing a corner somewhere.

It's clear; I don't want to get over you. How could I. But I think that even if I don't totally get over you (because who can totally control these things called feelings), I have to try. I have to at least, try. So I know I can at least prove that to myself.

My brain is swimming, and it feels so full I can't focus my thoughts properly.

And today, as I sat there transparent as rice paper, brimming with hope, in the end I felt silly and pathetic. Wondering if you saw right through me in the end. I still don't know if I made any mistakes today. I still don't know. I'd like to think I didn't. Oh god.

The future is so grey, and so very, very ungraspable. And until I can live with that uncertainty, I don't think I can move on.

I'm sleepy. Shower, and then sleep. Yeah.

Okay I know I haven't posted pictures in damn long. Or at least it feels like it.

The Little Blue Bag of My Things.

Yesterday's massage was more painful than pain relief. My shoulder, neck and back muscles were ALL knotted up and tense, so when the masseuse dug her elbows and hands into the muscles to loosen them up, my eyeballs almost popped out from the pain. But thankfully after the experience, my shoulders/neck feel looser, though there is an overused-muscle-type ache left over.

I think I shall go for massages more regularly. Like, once every 2 months, just to treat myself. 'Sides, I get stiff shoulders way too often, and massages kill two birds with one stone - good 'love-me' time, and good for my health as well.

I rushed home to complete my CB report part, and then devoured three episodes of SATC Season 4. I watched the ep where Carrie started missing Aidan and wanting him back but he just couldn't forgive her, and it just affected me so much I didn't sleep well all night. Oh well. Heh.

I really like the character, Carrie. She's sort of like me in the aspects of being emotional, loving to think about emotions and things and people, and asking questions. Also, the appeal of Mr. Big. oooh. Heh. Falling for what's not necessarily good for you.

Aye. Cool, calm and uncollected. I'm a balance of contradictions right now.

"and it'll be just as quiet when I leave
as it was when I first got here"
- Quiet, Rachael Yamagata

Knead Those Blues Away

'Kay, that's it. It's time for some pain relief.

A 60 minute shoulder/neck/back massage is due, after class today. I made the appointment, and resolutely set aside the $68 mentally for it. I cannot take aching/hurting every waking minute with every move I make anymore. And I decided to get off my ass and just treat Zee a bit better. But of course, after I am done with it, I'll need to rush home and complete my work for tomorrow's meeting.

Dave's coming back to Singapore this weekend, and I think that'll constitute the only social activity I'll have time for - aside from the Rachael Yamagata concert on Sat night. :) Can't wait to see him again! It'll be so great to hang. Guys, let's go to Barstop :)

Zoyces says 'wo zhang da le'. Haha. Less drama, more level-headed thinking, she says. And so did Ivy. Which is nice to hear, really, from two of my closest and longest friends. I think so too, babes. As much as it may suck sometimes, I still feel good about this somewhat. This period of growth and change.

Honestly, what can be better than settling in for a night of Sex and the City reruns?


:)

Contusion Confusion

Remnants of feeling foolish.

Okay I've spent a whirlwind day absorbed in project work - had a 3 hour project meeting in the morning, then spent the afternoon working on the Corp Reputation first draft. I really put my ass into researching and structuring it, just hope the rest think it's good enough.

Now I'm supposed to study finance for tomorrow's class, and to make up for last week's class which I missed 'cos I was sick. But I have no idea what was taught, or where he stopped. And anyway I'm feeling so drained from working on the laptop all day.

I feel like going to Hong Kong Cafe. But Joycey is busy tonight, and I don't quite know who else would be willing to have supper in the East. Hah.

My neck and shoulder have been aching/hurting since I got up this morning, and it is Le Annoying! Really really getting on my nerves, it is. I just want it to stop, but no matter how much stretching I do, it is still there. And I have no time to take a nap. Raaarh.

I guess you have good days, and then you have not-so-good days. Days when you think, and days when you question yourself. Today's one of those days man. Where am I going? Am I setting myself up for more pain? I really can't say.

I want to... but.

Oh goodness. Sometimes you do things that you don't have any idea why you did, and you start to panic a little. Did I do the wrong thing? I have this little niggling voice inside.

We celebrated Yang's birthday (belated!) today, and I had a very good time with Mon and Yang. Our usual haunt- Crystal Jade LMXLB (It's that, or Din Tai Fung). We sang Yang a nice birthday song too! Just me and Mon. Heh heh. I hope he likes his present. I am quite satisfied with it, if I may say so myself. It was a treasure find! :)

Pre-birthday dinner, Mon and I went shoppinnnn' and she got herself a nice Nine West tote for school. I was almost tempted into getting a pair of lovely round-toed pumps, but they hurt my feet way too much to be succumbed to. Plus the price tag sure hurt too.

Thing I want to do the most : To SLEEP IN.
Things I sort of want to do : Get a pedicure. Cut my hair. Buy new stilettos. Have nothing to do all day.
Things I don't want to do : Wake up tomorrow morning. Have project meeting. Work on Corp Comm report.

Meh.