Pressure on every side.

Today is Bad Class Day.

During Finance class, we had a quiz and I was iffy about two questions out of four. Plus, Prof tried to go through Forward Rates and Bonds, and I struggled to keep up. I really really tried, but it just didn't seem to be enough - I didn't get the Forward Rates bit. And goodness me, everyone else seemed to get it!

And now I'm in QM class and everyone seems to get what I don't get. Okay, me and Kai are the only two (he quips). But aiya his Super-GEP Powers will whoop in and save him at the last minute during our exams, and I will of course have to do it the very-human way : mug like mad.

Sigh. It's so hard to deny that I'm overwhelmed, because I am.

So many things to understand, and yet I (frightfully) don't seem to get it. Too little time to understand it, too much pressure to keep keeping up with everyone else.

Le Depressing.

Not to mention, emotionally I'm strung-out. I'm stuck between what you want/need and what I feel. How not to be affected? No matter what, it'll still hurt that someone needs some time away from you. I'm trying to be brave about it each time, I really am. But as with all things in my life, it doesn't ever seem to be enough. I can't seem to meet these expectations on me.

Yet I don't want to push you over the edge. I'm so terrified of it, I really am. I feel like all this blame is on me if I do, and I'll have to feel punished again. At the end of it, I guess I don't understand why it is you need what you need. Could you explain it to me? I'm perplexed. I'm upset. I'm hurt.

Bah.

When it starts raining, it pours.