My Tongue Will Always Be the B-Side to My Heart

I realize my previous post down there is so superficial. It was a hollow shell, a mirror of what I wanted to project to the world. I typed all the things that made me (seem) happy, and left out everything that is flooding me now. And I bet the reader is flush with suspicion - how could someone who just lost someone they love be so okay?

And I'll be honest with you. I wasn't okay yesterday, but I am okay, as I type this today, but I know I won't always be. I know feelings have a way of relapsing on you, and when you love someone so damn much, to get over that love is the hardest damn thing in the world. Breakups - I've had my fair share in the past. That rollercoaster road to okay-ness is long and harsh. I am simply gearing up for the ride.

I cannot, and will not, begin to describe the complexity of the emotions that take over the heart in a time like this. I have too many thoughts, some too convoluted, many too personal, some just plain silly, and some wrong, to place here. But yes, most of all, placing them here makes me feel very vulnerable, especially when I believe you still read this blog. And this period should be a very private period for you and me. So.

I really am awed by how wonderful my friends have been. This support means so much, and it is such a comfort, it really is. It's that cushion hypothesis prof was talking about in class today - you know that if you fall, they will be there to catch you, so it's not that bad to fall, really. And I feel it. I feel so blessed. (says that in a very Cheryl way) And I mean it.